Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
