I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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