Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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