I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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