being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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