I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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