Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
