Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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