ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
