I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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