My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
