You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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