Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
