where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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