i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
