If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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