Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
