Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
