She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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