Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
actually, I'm a sock model
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
