He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
