she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
