Kiss
Puke
It's Friday. Sex?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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