I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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