i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
