We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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