Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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