my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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