Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
