I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
