I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
