Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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