he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
