I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
