We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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