Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
