he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
