we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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