i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
