Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
