wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
