pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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