Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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