the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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