Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
