Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
