I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
