My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can't special order awesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
