I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
