What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
