So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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