Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
bring money and cleavage
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
