I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
