I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
