Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
