I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
