i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
True strength comes from lack of pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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